i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
