Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
