So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
