I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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