Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize