guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
