she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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