glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
