her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
