Quick, to the slutcave!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
