I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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