I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
