Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's blow job season.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
