you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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