i think my tv is drunk
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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