i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
