Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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