couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
