i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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