it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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