Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Come on in and take your pants off
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