her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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