i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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