This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Boobs are out for the taking
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
