remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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