He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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