He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
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I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
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I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I have fence marks all over my body
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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