the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
