On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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