TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
