can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He felt like a one man threesome
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
