i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
