I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
