So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
