her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
