oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
