did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
