i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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