It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
