I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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