Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
