Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
