So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
