I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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