just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
