I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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