i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
