I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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