soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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