I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
