I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
