i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
