Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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