I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
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You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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