You work out of a Hotel?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
