Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
