A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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