That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
well you can't waste a boner
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
