Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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