I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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