Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
