Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
