I never want to see another naked old woman again.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
