He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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