I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
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Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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