I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
