she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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