I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
